Rest Day Team Meetings

A look into the team meetings, starting from the back of the standings:

DOMINA VACANZE (Iglinsky, 58, -8:36)

“OK, Honchar was our only hope to win anything and he just withdrew. We have exactly two riders in the top 100, and you guys are so obscure we don’t even know who you are. We’re thinking about having the team charter malfunction and not even suit up for Stage 10. Let’s try and remind people we’re better than BigMat ever was.”

AG2R (Astarloza, 57, -8:32)

“Um, Nazon? What’s up? Aren’t you supposed to be a sprinter? We weren’t asking you to win this thing, but you’re in 29^th in the Green Jersey competition. You’re making us look bad. We keep doing lead-outs and everything, so this is getting embarrassing. Could you make it through the Alps and maybe win a flat stage next week? OK, top three.”

COFIDIS (Moncoutie, 55, -8:27)

“O’Grady’s back in this thing. He’s 24 points behind Boonen, which isn’t good, but at least he’s in third. Our first option is to hope Boonen drops out. The second is to contest every single point left out there. Try and hit those early sprints in every stage, and then protect Stu on the climbs. Keep him in the Autobus at least. If he makes it through the mountains, we still have a shot at this thing. Oh yeah, we’re sending two large men over to McEwen’s place to leave a horse’s head in his bed.”

EUSKATEL (Mayo, 51, 8:06)

“We’re screwed.”

BOUYGUES TELECOM (Brochard, 49, -7:58)

“We held a jersey for a whole day. Sure, it was the polka dots before a single climb, but a jersey’s a jersey. Way to go, Voeckler. Let’s call this Tour a success!”

LAMPRE (Petrov, 45, -7:35)

“Do we even have goals? Stage wins? Not getting embarrassed like those chumps in Euskatel? I mean, have the decency to sneak in here quietly and try to escape attention. That way, when you fail, no one notices. So that’s the plan. Total media silence.”

SAUNIER DUVAL (Horner, 43, -7:12)

“Horner’s keeping us credible. But we have absolutely no riders who can protect him in the mountains. So, the first two days are gonna be a dogfight among the contenders, just try and hang out and lose a minimum amount of time. That should give you the chance to attack on the next few days and maybe steal a stage. Solo breakway! It’s our only hope.”

FDJ (McGee, 38, -6:30)

“Great job, guys! Terrific leadouts! You’re really doing a good job controlling the peleton and getting sprinters in position for the final hundred meters. I couldn’t be prouder of this team. Well, other than the fact no one knows who we’re doing these leadouts for. Really, does anyone know? Why are we bothering to control the peleton to set up some guy on another team?”

QUICKSTEP (Rogers, 37, -6:29)

“Nothing personal, Rogers. You’re a good rider and one of these days we may ride in support of you, but we’re saving the team for Boonen. We wanted to put this thing on ice, but that stupid crash allowed that crazy Norwegian back in things. It’s a joke Boonen’s only up 5 points, so we have to save our legs for the final week. We’d love to ride in support of you, Rogers. You’re young, though. You’ll have a chance to win this thing in a few years. Just get some experience, try and stay near the front, and learn from the big dogs up front. We’re investing everything in our sprinter. If you haven’t noticed, we don’t win things too often around here.”

LIQUIGAS (Garzelli, 33, -6:26)

“We’re not winning this thing, but Garzelli’s doing pretty well. Think you can make a run at the top ten? We can give you a little bit of support, but not much. Come to think of it, why not rest for next year’s Giro?”

LOTTO (Evans, 25, -5:47)

“Evans, good idea to align yourself with Rogers in the mountains. You guys can help each other out, because you ain’t getting any from the rest of us. How is that muzzle for McEwen going? All right, Robbie? Don’t talk, don’t think. You only hurt the team when you try to use your head. You’re not completely out of it, but you can’t do anything stupid. Nevermind, we’re out of it.”

FASSA BORTOLO (Frigo, 22, -5:20)

“We won a stage. I’m satisfied, are you? Good. Now go out there and finish.”

LIBERTY SEGUROS (Beloki, 18, -5:01)

“Beloki and Heras both have a shot at the top ten. You guys need to ride in support of one another, we’re going to have to play this by ear. Whichever one of you I feeling stronger once we hit the big climbs is our man, and we can give you some support. Jaksche’s pretty good, guys. Use him. Screw it. Let’s attack tomorrow. It’s our only real shot. Why be reactive? Let’s take it to them.”

GEROLSTEINER (Leipheimer, 16, -4:49)

“Two and a half minutes down to Lance? That’s doable. Totschnig’s already said he doesn’t have the legs, but we’re still going to ask him to do what he can in support. We have a run of top ten finishes to defend. We’re not going to stop now that we’re this close. I want a podium finish. Just hang with that top group.”

ILLES BALEARS (Karpets, 13, -4:31)

“Popovych isn’t going to contest the white jersey. He’s gonna play billy goat for Lance, so all we have to do is play this conservatively. Menchov still has a shot at the top ten, so we have to worry about that as well. Let’s make sure we always have great young riders who never fully live up to their potential.”

PHONAK (Landis, 12, -4:08)

“No one is paying any attention to us. This is great. Landis and Botero are within striking distance, and everyone’s still talking about CSC and T-Mobile. Hell, Rabobank’s getting more attention than we are. So let’s keep this up. Stay under the radar. Let these other teams kill each other off. We’re strong enough to still be standing.”

T-MOBILE (Vinokourov, 5, -3:20)

“We’ve got three guys in the top 11. So Ullrich, shut your piehole and accept that Vino and Kloden aren’t your domestiques anymore. There’s three of you and only one Armstrong, so we’re going to attack these next two days. Constant aggression. I want a neon pink jersey at the front of the climb at least half of the time. I don’t care who it is, I’d prefer if it was all three of you guys. Yes, that means working together. Get to the front, you’ll see your face on TV.”

RABOBANK (Rasmussen, 4, -2:43)

“Rasmussen? You’re no longer supporting Menchov. You’re now riding for the polka dots. You’ll have to stick with the leaders, but they’ll let you pick up the oints at the peak if you don’t try and win the stage. We’ll see how we can get a third stage win next week.”

DISCOVERY (Armstrong, 3, -2:18)

“It’s time to win this thing. No excuses. Let’s bring the pain.”

CREDIT AGRICOLE (Moreau, 2, -1:50)

“We’re as surprised as you, Christophe. Who does this Rasmussen guy think he is? Doesn’t he know the French need their token jersey? I thought it was agreed you were going to get dots. I agree, it’s not fair. We’re filing a protest right now.”

TEAM CSC (Voigt, 1, ---)

“You had fun, Voigt? OK, now you have to ride in support again. It’s okay, we’ll let you breakway again in a few days. Basso? Julich? Ready to launch the assault? Let’s keep the maillot jaune in the team.”